Wednesday was the day. It had been coming for a long time. A shift, a breaking free, a breaking down, being true.
And here we are, Thursday, and it’s real.
I feel 10 feet tall. I notice bees, sunlight, leaves look greener. I’m thankful for all of it. I see clearly for the first time in a long time. I can lift my eyes up and truly see.
Today, I shut my business. No more workshops, seminars, email advice, Facebook posts. It stops – today. How does that feel? Well, fucking fantastic to be honest! Why? Because I have finally broken through the fear, and am willing to put myself out there and manifest what I want for myself. No thoughts about disappointing people or being a failure. No regret over money wasted, time invested, compromises made. It’s all behind me. I want to get out of my comfort zone and be ALIVE!
This has certainly been a process. I’ve been close a couple of times but I had always run back to “what I know” and “what I do”. Over and over I tell myself:
“This is what I do”
“This is important work”
“If I give up, I will be a failure (in other people’s eyes & my own)”
“I’m good at this, so what else would I do?”
“I’ve invested so much; I can’t leave it all behind. People are counting on me.”
Ego and fear. This is what held me back.
When I started my parenting education business, it was about educating people about their children. Having an understanding of their kids makes parenting easier. There was little about "the parent". Probably 85 kid/ 15 parent.
After a while, I felt a shift. It became important, necessary, to look more at the parent. I could feel people were craving it, an urgency. So I started to bring people together to explore their identity parents. The split started to change to 5 kid/ 95 parent.
The more events I would do, the more I could see (and heard from the feedback) that the value or “success” of these events was in bringing people together to share their experiences and out of that, bring people to the realization (and relief!) that we all are in this together.
What I didn’t know then, but what I can clearly see now, is that I was fulfilling the human need for connection. We are desperate to connect, to share, to “be in it together”. It’s in our makeup at a cellular level. There is a ton of research to support this idea but for the purpose of this writing, I have no interest in looking it up now.
If this is my strength, bringing people together, creating a sense of community and commonality, how can I do that at a bigger level? Is parenting the right context? Not necessarily, although it is a great lens through which to see.
I’ve been toying with the idea of becoming a professional speaker for a while. When I close my eyes and truly look at where I see myself, I am in front of thousands of people with my heart open, guiding and willing them to be the same – open-hearted and connected. I’ve taken baby (comfortable) steps towards making that happen but fear has held me back.
But not anymore. Fuck it! Nothing to lose. So here we go. I hope you’ll join me on the journey…